But I think I need to clean out my overstuffed closet and streamline my routine a bit in order to start making physical activity a no-second-thought part of my life. In order to remove all those little “inconveniences” that add up to me sitting on my butt all day. For instance, biking to work would be a lot easier with a very short haircut (no worrying about blow-drying if I need to shower at work) and some wrinkle-resistant work slacks/polo shirts in my bag.

I want to focus on my fitness right now, and not as much on the way others might see me. As it is, I’ve been ignoring that nagging certainty that my excess weight makes me look less together, less professional. But I haven’t done a thing about it.

If I’m exercising, getting outdoors—and making sure I don’t stink, of course . . . well, that’s the most important stuff to concentrate on for now. I’ll be getting thinner and more fit, and with a glow of health like that, I shouldn’t need more makeup than a quick coat of mascara and some chapstick!

I just feel like a giant FAIL. It sucks.

I was a child from whom great things were expected. I whittled my way down to prettiness as a teenager. I was at the top of my class. I went to a top university and graduated magna cum laude. And now . . . I’m an underpaid administrative worker whose intellect hasn’t had a decent workout in years.

How does this relate to a weight loss?

I’m obese now. It’s another area that feels like a huge FAIL in my life. It’s another symbol of things being out of control, just like my temper at work these days. I feel irritable, hyper-sensitive, one of the walking wounded. Vulnerable and ready to lash out. I’m so sensitive about everything and if I can’t change that, I wish I could at least hide it from the world and keep a cool and professional demeanor to mask the turmoil underneath.

The thing is, even when I maintained a thin body, I was still out of control. Right now, I’m fat and my eating is out of control. But I don’t want to be thin if it means adopting an out-of-control lifestyle again. Maybe I could survive that in my late teens and early 20s, but not a decade later. I want to take better care of myself, not just look okay on the outside. I want to be healthy as well as thinner, and I want to reclaim some personal dignity.

I’m truly depressed right now. I don’t know how to begin. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how high your IQ is; what seems like a concrete, simple task, like managing your weight, feels like a crushingly impossible undertaking .

Why? Because there is no glamorous way to lose weight and keep it off. Portion control, sweating, calorie (or Points) counting, weekly rah-rah meetings, food journals, gym memberships. Not glamorous. And neither is weight-loss surgery: What’s glamorous about hospital gowns, insurance bills, regular follow-up appointments, pureed food, and potential complications? There’s no way around it: weight-loss can be a hassle.

So there is no glamorous way to do this. But that’s okay. My personal plan is to follow Weight Watchers (USA). But no matter how you’re planning to lose weight, I know you have your own unglamorous factors to deal with. So it’s a universal issue.

I’m a Plain Jane in a lot of ways, and you can read more on that on my About page. I just want to follow a food plan that I understand—and I want to follow it diligently. I want to work out on a regular schedule, but I don’t want it to be a complicated affair. I’m thinking walking or jogging (eventually) in the neighborhood: just lace up my sneakers and go. The less decisions involved, the fewer excuses I can make.

I’m not sure what this site will look like down the road. I’m not concerned with attracting lots of traffic at the moment, although I’m very happy if you’re reading! Rather, I’m focusing on the day-to-day of my weight loss: the ups and downs, the petty irritations and the little victories. I’ll be updating my weight in the sidebar once a week (after my Weight Watchers meeting), and there may be progress photos at some point. I want to provide useful information when I can, but mainly it will all relate to my own personal, unique, individual experience.